


who wants to live forever

by TheAwkwardLadyJay



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, Guns, M/M, Platonic Relationship, Suicide Attempt, but it is mostly angst, it can be either really, it's not all sad I promise, unless you want to see it as romantic, vent fic, wrote it a while ago but it seems fitting now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 10:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16891185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAwkwardLadyJay/pseuds/TheAwkwardLadyJay
Summary: Chase is sad. He has been for a while. He decides to do something about that.Anti makes sure he doesn't get the chance.





	who wants to live forever

**Author's Note:**

> It's funny how something you wrote a few months ago can almost perfectly match your current emotions. I remember how cathartic it was for me to write this. It's just as cathartic when I reread it. Hopefully, you guys feel the same about it.

_You’re worthless_

The gun shook in Chase’s hold. He stared down at its sleek black shell, so dark against the white bathroom counter. Tears dripped onto the plastic casing.

_She was right all along. You’re just a piece of washed up garbage_

Chase squeezed his eyes shut. He leaned on the counter heavily, his fingers bunching into fists. The gun pressed uncomfortably into his palm. Stacy’s voice reverberated in his head, reminding him once again of everything that was wrong with him.

_You’ve missed every other shot you’ve ever made. Are you really surprised that you missed your shot with a family?_

He looked up, meeting the red, swollen eyes of his reflection. He stared at himself for a few seconds and then his eyes wandered down to the gun. It was cold in his hand but he found an odd comfort in it. He looked back up at himself and suddenly the realization hit him.

Right in front of him was a target he couldn’t possibly miss. 

Slowly, he raised the gun to his temple. He inhaled shakily when the cold plastic pressed against his skin. Finally, he could perform the perfect trick shot. His finger wrapped around the trigger, a violent tremor traveling through his hand. He met his reflection’s eyes, saying a silent goodbye to the only person who was going to miss him.

His grip tightened on the trigger and then stopped. Just for a second, he hesitated. He was frozen, the gun trembling in his hand as more tears slipped down his cheeks. He didn’t want to die. But what was the point in living?

Before he had a chance to recover from his hesitation, the door burst open.

“Chase, have you seen my gun? It should be in my cabinet but…” Anti’s voice trailed off, his eyes stuck on the gun pressed against Chase’s head. “Chase, what are you doing?”

Chase couldn’t look him in the eye. His whole body started to tremble.

Anti stepped fully into the bathroom, his eyes still locked on the gun. He raised his hands placatingly, the only sign of his distress the slight tremor in his fingers. “Chase, put the gun down. Please.”

That single word made Chase’s eyes flick to Anti in the mirror. The glitch never said please. 

Anti held his gaze, continuing to move towards him slowly, hands still up and voice still soft, “I know everything is really hard right now but this won’t fix any of that. Put the gun down and we can go talk for a while, okay?”

Chase shook his head, “I’m done talking.” His voice came out broken and cracked, “I’ve been talking for six months and nothing has changed!”

“Okay, that’s fine,” Anti replied. The static noise he constantly let off was audible now. It almost sounded panicked, “We don’t have to talk. We can just watch a movie. Or go out and eat. Anything you want. Just put the gun down.”

Chase looked back at his own reflection. At the terrified, tear-filled eyes and the blotchy skin. Anti placed a soft, hesitant hand on his shoulder. Chase closed his eyes and lowered the gun.

Anti’s sigh of relief was audible. He took the weapon from Chase’s hands and placed it on the counter, immediately wrapping an arm around Chase’s shoulders and guiding him from the room. “Thank god you’re alright. What do you say we sit on the couch and watch some Disney? That okay with you?”

Chase nodded minutely, leaning into Anti’s warm side and closing his eyes. The next few minutes whirred by unnoticed by him. 

When he opened his eyes again, he was sitting on the couch with a warm blanket wrapped around him. Anti was seated behind him, his arms wrapped around his waist and his chin resting on his head. The opening credits of a random Disney movie were playing.

They sat in silence for most of the movie. Chase couldn’t bring himself to speak. Negative thoughts still swam through his brain, distracting him every now and then and causing his body to begin trembling again. Every time this happened, Anti would squeeze his midsection a little tighter and press a light kiss to the back of his head. But he never said anything. Chase appreciated the silence.

By the time the end credits rolled, Chase was almost asleep. Anti carefully adjusted them so they were laying on the couch. The movement was enough to wake Chase up. He blinked up at Anti groggily. The events leading up to this point ran through is sleepy mind and he nuzzled into Anti’s chest, “Thank you for stopping me. I know I don’t bring much to this family but I’m glad you still think I’m worth it.”

Anti pulled him a little closer and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “You are worth so much, Chase. You bring smiles to everyone’s faces and you always do your best. And you know what? One day, when you’ve mastered all of those trick shots and become YouTube famous, you’re going to look back and you’re going to think, ‘I did that.’ And we’re going to be standing behind you, cheering all the way. Because you are worth it, Chase. Every last minute of it.”

A few tears had trickled from Chase’s eyes but he was wearing a content smile. He snaked his arms out of his blanket burrito and wrapped them around Anti, whispering a quiet “Thank you” into the older man’s neck.

Anti hugged him back, pressing one last kiss into Chase’s hair, “You’re going to be amazing, bud, I know it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat with me on my tumblr, theawkwardladyjay, or yell at me on here


End file.
